you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
