When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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