Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
