I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
