She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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