he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
