it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
