If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize