Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
