You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
