If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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