It's Friday. Sex?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
