You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize