A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Sober January is a disaster.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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