Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
