did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
