Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
