I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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