Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
