k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
