It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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