True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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