i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
