You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
