my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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