My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
