I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
