we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
