The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
