Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
