He asked me if I "almost moaned"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize