escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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