I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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