I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
