I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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