It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
