so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
