She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
