You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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