Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
