I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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