i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
