btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
