yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
