It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
