id be glad to
He kissed a someone with a penis
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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