i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
