He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
