I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
