after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
