Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
