we have pet lesbian snakes
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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