its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
