is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
