I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
