So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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