At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
