i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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