i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize