after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Acid is not a monday night drug
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
nutella sex= disaster
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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