Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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