You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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