if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
