WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
