i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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