is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
