The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
