Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
smell my finger.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
