i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
