I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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