A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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