i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
