hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
