I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
