dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize