Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
