you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
