Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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