so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
